I Shouldn't Be Alive

Okay, so I've decided a couple of things this past week.  After watching way too many episodes of shows like Dual Survivor, River Monsters and I Shouldn't Be Alive, I have come to the conclusion that my vacation destinations have grown oppressively small.  Why?  Because, I really don't want to go any place that...

1.) I could die of heat exhaustion/dehydration.
2.) I could die of hypothermia.
3.) I could die of starvation.
4.) I could die of sepsis, gangrene, malaria, or anything of the like.
5.) I could die because I was eaten by a lion, a crocodile/alligator, a shark, a giant python, or anything of the like.
6.) I could die as a result of a venomous creature such as a snake, scorpion, stingray, jellyfish, or anything of the like.

Now, I do realize that certain dangers are imminent just by living in South Florida (i.e. alligators, sharks, giant alligator-eating pythons) but I pretty much restrict my "outdoorsiness" to sitting on my screened lanai, floating in a chlorinated pool, or reading a book in the AC.  Although there is a slight chance that a monitor lizard (which incidentally grow to over 6 feet) could burst through my screen and bite me, infecting me with its venomous saliva, I feel fairly safe.  I do not swim in the Gulf of Mexico.  I do NOT swim in the alligator-infested canal behind my house.  I do not go for air boat rides in the Everglades.  I do not walk around barefoot in empty lots filled with fire ant mounds.  I.  Just.  Don't.

Which brings me to my next point.  When I was knee-high-to-a-grasshopper, I grew up in a quaint town in the Midwest.  We spent our summers swimming in the lake, chasing lightning bugs with mason jars, and playing hide-and-seek in unoccupied, wooded lots.

We never had a reason to fear snakes, ants, scorpions, killer bees, alligators, crocodiles, sharks, jelly fish (btw, urine does NOT work), stingrays, or palmetto bugs (cockroaches) the size of a bar of Irish Spring, and--most importantly--old people driving Cadillacs.  The whole concept makes me miss that lush, green, safe neighborhood I grew up in.  But, there's one thing Indiana has that Florida definitely does not.

Snow.

And, I'll take frogs, locusts, and boils over snow any day.